Apples and Supermarkets
by NearYourSmile
Summary: Ryuk and Matsuda go to the supermarket, but what happens when matsuda starts acting strange? Kinda random, you have to read it to understand. Ratted for vulgar speach, and safety. Some Spoilers.


**First Fanfiction! It's kind crazy and random... wrote this for my friend! Please enjoy! Oh and I do not own death note in anyway.**

"Are you sure this is okay, Matsuda?" I ask in a bemused tone.

"Of course! It's fine, Light said that we aren't doing anything really important on the investigation right now. I'm free to go anywhere, after all this is my first time in LA," Matsuda says in a happy tone.

"Your strangely chipper for someone working on a case of mass murder," I say, thoroughly amused by this silly detective.

"Well, I can't just stay depressed about it! You have to find betting things to think about." He complains in a whiney tone.

I cackle dryly. This has been quite fun. My plan to avoid boredom had been working quite well for the pass six years. Things have been very interesting. I don't think any better human could have picked up the death note. Light has wormed his way out of many unpleasant, as human refer to them, situations. It is very amusing to watch him lie his way out of this things. At least humans do something, unlike those useless shinigami in my realm. Humans have a sense of purpose, those lazy shinigami just sit around and gamble. How boring. They could at least make an effort to do something interesting. Oh well, it's not like I really care what those stupid death gods do in their spare time. The human realm is much more interesting, and if light can keep up this masquerade I don't plan on leaving anytime soon.

"So, why did we leave your headquarters? And why did you ask me to come with you? I'm supposed to stay with the owner of the death note you know," I say this only to head what feeble excuse Matsuda will come up with.

"Umm… I was feeling a little bit suffocated. All that everyone talks about is kira and death. I thought it would be nice to out in the open. Get some fresh air. Besides I was planning on going to a supermarket so…" As Matsuda said the last words he smiled knowingly.

The works clicked in my head very quickly. If there was one thing I learned from my time in this realm, it was where you can find apples. Supermarket means tables and tables of apples. I really don't have much of a connection to anything. I don't care about humans or other shinigami. The only thing I really care about is not being bored, but when apples are involved… Well. Let's just say they are the only thing that gets me excited about stuff. Being a shinigami has its perks and all, but I can't even imagine a life with out apples. I NEED apples. Taking apples out of my life would be like heroin away from a crazy addict. Some major crap would happen to anyone involved. I have a freaking death note for a reason, I have no problem using it It's better to keep me satisfied. So when Matsuda says that apples may be involved, my reaction is like that of a crazy meth user getting his new supply of drugs.

"APPLES? Does this mean you're buying me apples? I"VE BEEN DEPRIVED FOR SO LONG. I. NEEEEEEDDDD. AN. APPLE. No make that 20 apples right now. Where is the store?"

"Jezz, Ryuk calm down. I'll buy you some apples."

"YESSSSSSS."

"Why are you so addicted to apples anyway?"

Why did every human have to ask that question. I never want to answer it. I have no idea why I like apples; they're just so… tasty.

"don't question my habits! Just buy me some apples! I have a death note you know." I always get excited about apples. Always.

"Ahh Ryuk! You wouldn't kill me. I'm the only way you have to get apples. Everyone else is too busy."

His reasoning is surprisingly accurate. I could always threaten someone to get my apples, but Matsuda was the easiest choice. He isn't as dim as he looks. I realize that we have been talking rather loudly. Lucky for me only Matsuda can hear and see me, but everyone can hear Matsuda. He is getting some rather weird looks. HA maybe they think he's schizophrenic, or bipolar. HAHA. There goes his chance at getting laid, and he was looking at Sayu? As if. She's way "out of his league" as humans put it. Light and his dad would probably kill him if he even looks at her after what happened at Light's apartment. Better tell him to keep his voice down. If I don't he'll probably be arrested for being a public disturbance.

"Hey Matsuda."

"Hmm?"

"You better keep it down. People are staring at you, hahaha. They can't hear me remember?"

"Oh god…" he whispers in small voice, "Was I talking that loud?"

"Yeah. Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk."

Matsuda's face turns red, and he won't talk for the rest of the walk to the market. Eventually we get there. I waste no time at all. Apples are all that's on my mind right now. I find them quickly and force Matsuda to by about 40 of them. Hey I'm an addict, don't judge. After he buys my drug of choice, we leave. This is weird. Did Matsuda only go out to buy me apples? No not possible there had to be some reason behind it. He keeps on walking for some time. I have my apples now, so I don't feel the need to talk. My mouth is busy right now. I follow him absent mindedly, when suddenly he stops. I tear my attention away from my precious apples, and find that we are now in a park. It's empty, that means Matsuda can talk to me without being seen a psychopath. What could he want?

"Uhh… Matsuda? Why did we stop in this random park? Don't you need to investigate something?"

"Yeah, we'll go back in a bit. I wanted to ask you about some stuff…" What the hell does he want? And why does his voice sound all awkward? This is gonna be interesting.

"Okay, so spit it out."

"Do shinigami ever have… umm… relationship issues?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is the most interesting thing yet? What the hell is he thinking? Asking a god of death about relationship garbage?

"No. Shinigami don't deal with that kinda stuff," I say. It's so hard not to burst out laughing right on the spot.

"So you've never.. liked anyone?"

"Matsuda, I'm a death god. We're different from humans."

"But you've been in the human world for a long time right? Like since Kira appeared?"

Uh oh. This was getting close to me spilling the news that Light's Kira. Better not say to much, then all my fun will be over. I'll have to go back to that boring shinigami realm. No way. No way in hell. I have to stay here. There are no apples in my realm! GASP. I'll die without my apples!

"Yeah I've been in your world for awhile now. Why?" I keep my response short I don't want to spoil my fun.

"How would I.. Go about asking out some one I'm interested in?"

"Pfffttt. How should I know the answer to your trivial problem? I'm a shinigami, not a relationship counselor."

"Please Ryuk! You must know something! I'm desperate! Why else would I come to you?"

"Good lord Matsuda. Grow a pair. Just ask the girl out. How hard can it be?"

"Very hard! What if she rejects me? I know her family won't approve…"

FOR THE LOVE OF APPLES. Matsuda needs to man up and get laid. He's going to be depressed for the rest of his life if he can't do that. Though this is a rather amusing situation, I can't believe that he is this cowardly!

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk," I say understanding the situation, "you like Sayu don't you?"

Matsuda turns a bright red and stutters when he replies.

"H-how d-d-did you know t-t-that? Is it that obvious?"

"Yes it is. Just man up and ask her out. So what if she rejects you?"

"What happened to 'I don't care about this stuff' hmmm?"

"I don't care but this is entertaining."

"I..you.. evil.. freaking shinigami!"

With that Matsuda storms off, in the direction of headquarters.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!"

I cackle uncontrollably as I follow the fuming Matsuda back to the building the investigation is being help at. The human world never fails to amuse me.

_Humans are so interesting…_

**Reviews would be nice! thanks! Hope you enjoyed it!**


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